The In-Between Bit: The Neutral Zone (and why it messes with your head)

If the old thing is ending or ended … but the new thing hasn’t properly started yet — welcome to the Neutral Zone.

William Bridges calls it the in-between phase of transition.

I call it: the grey, weird waiting room of life, where nothing quite fits, your confidence wobbles, and your tolerance for nonsense drops by about 73%.

Also, today’s photo is me in a muddy puddle — because transition isn’t a clean, straight line. It’s more… splash, slip, swear quietly, sniff -"that's definitely poo, carry on. That, in a nutshell, is the Neutral Zone.

And yes — I remember it well.

Why it feels so uncomfortable?-Brace yourself: your brain is screaming “I NEED A PLANNNN!”

Your brain is basically a certainty junkie.

It LOVES:

• clear plans

• tidy timelines

• “what happens next”

• a good old-fashioned spreadsheet (not mine, they bring me out in hives!)

And when it doesn’t get those things, it starts doing what I can only describe as emotional pacing.

In the Neutral Zone, the brain goes into scan mode — trying to reduce uncertainty because uncertainty can feel like danger (even when it isn’t).

The certainty-seeking behaviours (we’ve all done it…)

When you’re in-between, it’s really tempting to do things purely to get rid of the discomfort... open the wine- oops!

Like:

• Googling your symptoms like the answer will pop up in bold

• Refreshing your inbox like the Universe is about to email you a plan

• Asking everyone you trust “what would you do?” until they start hiding behind furniture

• Reading 17 articles called “How to Know You’re On The Right Path” and somehow feeling even less sure

• Doing a full “life audit” at 2am, with a cup of tea and a mild sense of doom

• Looking for certainty in horoscopes / personality tests / the dog’s facial expressions (don’t judge me — desperate times)

The Neutral Zone makes people do slightly unhinged things in the name of “clarity”. (Again: I remember it well.)

Here’s the thing: the Neutral Zone isn’t a problem to fix, It’s a phase to move through.

It’s not the bit where everything makes sense. It’s the bit where your internal wiring is updating. (Like your phone… except you can’t put yourself on airplane mode and lie under a blanket for two days. Although tempting.)

Signs you might be in the Neutral Zone

You don’t need a diagnosis (and no, you’re not “failing”). You’re probably just… transitioning.

You might notice:

• your motivation is inconsistent — some days you’re on it, other days you’re a houseplant

• brain fog / tiredness that sleep doesn’t fully fix

• feeling unusually emotional, irritable, or flat

• decision fatigue (even small choices feel massive)

• you swing between “I’m fine” and “I need to move to the Highlands and start again”

• your confidence dips, even though you’re still perfectly capable

An evidence-based positive psychology take (no happy clappy positivity, promise)

Positive psychology isn’t “just think happy thoughts”.

It’s about building what helps humans cope, adapt and recover — especially when life is wobbly.

In the Neutral Zone, the goal isn’t to force certainty. It’s to build capacity while certainty catches up. And whilst it doesn’t feel like it at times , it’s a place where we can be at our most creative with our thinking, with a bit of help.

Three things that genuinely help:

1) Self-compassion (instead of self-beating) If your energy, confidence and motivation are all over the place — welcome to being human in transition. This is not a personal failure. It’s the process.

2) Small wins (instead of “I need a 5-year plan by Friday”) Your brain wants a grand plan. Your nervous system needs proof you can still move. One doable step. One helpful conversation. One boundary. One routine.

3) Meaning-making (instead of instant answers) Try: What might this be making possible? Not in a fluffy way. In a grounded, curious way. The Neutral Zone can be a creative phase… once you stop demanding it behave like a neat little to-do list.

A reframe I love

The Neutral Zone can feel like you’re stuck.

But it’s often where recalibration happens.

It’s messy because it’s honest. It’s uncomfortable because you’re rewriting your internal map. And it can be lonely because other people want you to be “sorted” again.

But the in-between is not failure.

It’s transition.

If you’re in the grey area right now — what’s one small thing you can do this week that supports you… without pretending you’ve got all the answers?

Want a bit of support with this?

I’m running some more free, friendly, practical sessions in March and April that are mainly aimed at NHS and Public sector folks dealing with change, uncertainty, redundancy, return-to-work, leadership wobble… all of it. But they’re open to anyone who’s in a transition phase and could do with some tools, some reassurance, and a reminder that you’re not losing the plot — you’re just in the middle bit.

March/April sessions: all use the same link ( see end of newsletter)

Rebuilding Confidence Redundancy or change can rattle your identity, your confidence, and your sense of “what next?" This session is practical and supportive — no forced positivity, no awkward sharing — just a clear understanding of what’s happening in your brain and some simple tools to rebuild confidence in small, believable steps.

• Dates and times -9th March 13.00-14.00, 1st April 13.00-14.00

Your Best Possible "work" Self This session aims to help you imagine yourself in an ideal work role in the future, and to think broadly about all aspects of the life that comes with that choice. It’s designed to spark your imagination — encouraging you to be as creative as you like — while also helping you explore and surface what really matters to you (your values, strengths, needs, and non-negotiables), so you leave with clearer clues about the direction you want to move in.

• Dates and times -12th March 13.00-14.00, 15th April 13.00-14.00

The Five P's of Job Preference— In this session you’ll identify your preferences using the 5 Ps — People, Place, Projects, Process, and Powers. We’ll explore what you want more (and less) of in each area, so you can picture your best possible work future in a way that’s practical, personal, and clear enough to guide real choices and next steps.

• Dates and times -17th March 13.00-14.00, 17th April 13.00-14.00

Running on Empty: a you know you should-reset-If you’re in the in-between right now — waiting, unsure, or bracing for change — this session is a chance to pause and look after yourself. We’ll use PERMAH a great tool to take a quick snapshot of what’s keeping you going and what’s draining you, then pick 2–3 small, doable actions to boost your energy and resilience while things are still unsettled.

• Dates and times -20th March 13.00-14.00, 22nd April 13.00-14.00

Redundant to Running my own business is a straight-talking session where I share how I actually made the leap from a long NHS career into running my own business WWW.letsgetonwithit.co.uk What I did, what I wish I’d done sooner, and the mistakes I made (and still occasionally make). You’ll get the real-world lessons, the confidence boosts, and a few practical next steps to help you decide whether this path could be for you.

• Dates and times -24th March 13.00-14.00, 30th April 13.00-14.00

Teams link is always the same – no need to book, just turn up. No uncomfortable sharing, just some simple tools you can use right away and some time to think. You might even be able to leave some of poo where it belongs!

Join here: Teams Link

https://teams.microsoft.com/meet/3253740059351?p=X9LQj1OR3gqIF8DXD8

Also- I have some capacity for one to one coaching sessions (reduced/subsidized rates for NHS colleagues) - email jo@letsgetonwithit.co.uk